 Funny Historical Accounts
from the Strange But True Archives!
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DAILY RECORD (15th MAY 1992)
Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world
flagpole-sitting record in 1992. But after he came down,
he not only discovered he was eight hours short of the
400-day Record, but also that his sponsor had gone bust,
his girlfriend had left him, and his phone and electricity
had been cut off.
INDEPENDENT (19TH DEC 1996)
A rapturous welcome awaited Antonio Gomez Bohorquez and
Pascual Fuertes Noguera when they returned home to Murcia
in southern Spain after pioneering a new route up Mount
Sisha Pagma in the Himalayas. On studying specialist
publications, however, they had to sheepishly admit that
they had, in fact, climbed the wrong mountain.
HOUSTON POST (13TH SEPT 1990)
In Cebu city, Philippines, Enrique Quinanola made a
determined effort to kill himself. Quinanola, 21 and unemployed,
attempted to hang himself, but relatives cut the rope and took
him to hospital. While doctors prepared a sedative, he slipped
away and ran to a nearby restaurant where he grabbed a knife
and slashed his wrists. Police saw the incident and tried to
subdue Quinanola, but he put up a terrific struggle, so the
officers shot him, first in his leg, then in the chest.
He died a few minutes later. His relatives sued the government
for violating his civil liberties.
INTERNATIONAL HERALD TRIBUNE (20 JUL 1992)
Tiring of crowds attending football games at the Kennedy
Stadium when the Washington Redskins were playing, Charles
Buki moved from his home near the ground to Arlington, Virginia.
He said parking was impossible on game days, and was sick of
picking up beer bottles in his front yard. On arriving in
Arlington he was "absolutely paralyzed" to discover that his
new home was only a short distance from the Redskins' planned
new stadium. The Washington Post compared his fate to that of
farmer Wilmer McLean, who fled Manassas, Virginia, after the
American Civil War's first battle was fought there. He moved to
Appomattox Courthouse, the eventual site of the final battle of
the war, where Lee surrendered to Grant in McLean's living room.
VICTORIA TIMES (19TH SEPT 1990
Another wartime incident caused Danny Simpson of Ottawa, Canada,
much grief. In 1990 he was given six years imprisonmentfor robbing
a bank of $6000 using an elderly Colt .45 pistol. He was
arrested and the gun was impounded by the police, where it was
recognized as an extremely rare collectors' item, worth between
$12,000 and $100,000. It was made under License by the Ross Rifle
Company in Quebec City during WW1, one of only 100 Colt .45's
ever made there. Simpson could have walked into any gun shop and
sold the pistol for at least twice the haul from his raid without
breaking the law.
DAILY MIRROR (28TH SEPT 1995)
Another armed robber, jailed for eight years in Argentina decided
to hire a private detective to trace the father he never met. The
detective discovered the man's father was the warder of the prison
in which he was incarcerated
WESTERN MORNING NEWS (28TH SPR 1994)
Ian Lewis, 43, of Standish, Lancaster, England, was also
interested in finding out about his family. He spent 30 years
tracing his family tree back to the seventeenth century.
He traveled all over Britain, talked to 2,000 relatives and
planned to write a book about how his great-grandfather left to
seek his fortune in Russia and how his grandfather was expelled
after the Revolution. Then he found out he had been adopted when
he was a month old and his real name was David Thornton. He
resolved to start his family research all over again.
INDEPENDENT (26TH JULY 1995)
Markku Tahvainen drove his family 250 miles to a zoo in Finland
in order to see the bears. When they returned home, though, they
discovered footprints and droppings in their garden, which
revealed that in their absence they had been visited by, bear
which had eaten their ducks.
BIG ISSUE (20TH FEB 1995)
After three days of uninterrupted heavy music from the flat next
door, Gunthwilde Blom, 63, of Klagenfurt, Austria, began to get
cross. She hammered on the walls and put notes under the door of
the offending flat. All this had no effect so she confronted her
neighbor, Wilma Kock, directly. Kock protested her innocence, but
Blom did not believe her, calling her a "venomous herring". When
the noise continued Mrs Blom finally went berserk and pushed 20lbs
of fresh herring through her neighbor's letterbox. Ms Kock called
the police, who discovered while interviewing Blom that the music
was actually coming from a radio she had inadvertently left on
beneath her own bed. Unrepentant, she declared, "They didn't
understand - Kock's a cow."
NEWS OF THE WORLD (21ST AUG 1988)
Meanwhile, Martin Reeves traveled 8,000 miles to India to find
parts for his 1957 Morris Cowley. His mission was successful, but
when he got back to Brighton, England, he found the car had been
stolen.
SUSSEX EVE ARGUS (20TH DEC 1990)
Athlete John Oliver, 31, went all the way from Bournemouth, Dorest,
England, to Nepal - a journey of over 5,000 miles - to take part
in his first marathon, only to sprain his ankle on the starting line.
DAILY MIRROR (25TH MAY 1990)
Security measures bring their own headaches. In Broadway,
Worcestershire, England, in 1990, a safe was unlocked for the
first time since its key had been lost in 1942. All it contained
was a note urging people not to lose the key.
DAILY TELEGRAPH (16 SEPT 1986)
In Mumbles, Swansea, England, Robin Branhall got tired of vandals
who had broken the window of this surfing shop more than 20 times,
so he fitted an unbreakable one. Arriving at his shop next day, he
found the entire window had been stolen.
REUTERS (20TH JULY 1994)
Likewise, a Dutchman who invested more than $1,000 in a police
trained guard dog to protect his house in Schalkhar woke up two
days later to find the house had been broken into. The only think
the burglars had taken was the dog.
CHESTERFIELD & DRONFIELD GAZETTE (20TH MAY 1988)
A lonely heart who placed an ad in an unnamed Yorkshire, England,
paper seeking to meet a lady for outings and friendship received
one reply - from his mother.
OBSERVER (4TH OCT 1992)
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez
oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. Two of the most expensive of the
animals were reintroduced to the wild at a special ceremony.
Within two minutes they were both eaten by a killer whale.
DAILY TELEGRAPH (18TH NOV 1988)
Sheffield City Council's Norton Nurseries, England, was home
to a magnificent 25ft-tall succulent, Agave Americana, which had
survived WW2, and 50 British winters. In its native South America
are flowers once every 15 years, but in the British climate that
was believed to take 50-100 years. In 1988 it began to develop a
flower spike and was excitedly tended by nurserymen awaiting the
great event - until a council workman reversed his lorry over
the plant, smashing it to oblivion.
DAILY TELEGRAPH (25 JUL 1986)
A fireman in Bath, Somerset, England, using a metal detector to
trace a fire hydrant which had been covered in tarmac after road
resurfacing, dug seven holes in the wrong place before realizing
the device was being set off by the steel toe-caps in his boots.
DAILY TELEGRAPH (23 AUG 1986)
Water supplies also caused much vexation to historians trying to
discover the identity of someone buried in the graveyard of
Evercreech Church, Shepton Mallet, Somerset, England. They were
trying to identify the person under the gravestone simply marked
"H.W.P." until the Wessex Water Authority put them out of their
misery by pointing out that it was a marker for the church's
hot-water pipe.
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A Love Story
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Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived:
Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including
Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would
sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one
who stayed. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment.
When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness,
can you take me with you?" Richess answered, "No, I can't.. There
is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for
you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful
vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are
all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go
with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did
not even hear when Love called her!
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was
an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot
to ask the elder her name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder
went her own way. Love realizing how much he owed the elder asked
Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time
is capable of understanding how great Love is."
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| The Elevator Ride
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Bill, Jim, & Scott were at a convention together and were sharing
a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.
After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this
unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting.
I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for 25 flights,
Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way."
At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing.
At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad
stories. I will tell my saddest story first," he said.
"I left the room key in the car!"
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Facts and history of the Canadian 10 Provinces
and 3 Territories
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I call This Page
The Ever Changing page
This month Happy Mothers Day
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Navigation Around My Pages
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