One Seat Only Please |
When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats|
in the movie theater, he walked over and whispered,
"Sorry, sir, but you're allowed only one seat."
The man moaned but didn't budge.
"Sir," the usher said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll
have to call the manager."
The man moaned again but stayed where he was.
The usher left and returned with the manager, who, after several
attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police.
The cop looked at the reclining man and said, "All right, what's
your name, joker?"
"Joe," he mumbled.
Joe responds painfully... "The balcony."
| The Young Lawyer
A newly established lawyer, wanting to impress the first client|
coming into his office, picked up the phone and said,
"I'm sorry, but I have a tremendous case load and won't be able
to look into this for at least a month."
He then hung up, turned to the young man in his office and asked,
"What can I do for you, sir?"
"Nothing," replied the young man.
"I'm just here to hook up your phone."
THE JOB INTERVIEW
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources|
Person asked a young college graduate, "And what starting
salary were you looking for?" The student said, "In the
neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package
Of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and
dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary,
and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red
The student sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you?
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
How to Know You |
Are Growing Older
|Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.|
The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
You feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.
Your little black book contains only names ending in M. D.
You get winded playing cards.
You join a health club and don't go.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You have too much room in the house and not enough
in the medicine chest.
You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.
YOU WONDER WHY MORE PEOPLE DON'T USE THIS SIZE PRINT.
IT'S A HURRICANE!
A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was |
lost. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island
with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and
coconuts. Used to 5 star hotels, this guy had no idea what to
do, so for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut
juice and longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the sea,
hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement
out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was
the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him.
In disbelief, he asked her:
"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said.
"I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone else had survived.
How many are there? You were lucky to have a rowboat wash
up with you."
"It's only me," she said, "And the rowboat didn't wash up:
He was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh simple," replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of
materials that I found on the island. The oars were whittled
from Gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches
and the sides and stern cane from a Eucalyptus tree."
"B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no
tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other
side of the island there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial
rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain
temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron.
I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware."
But enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"
Sheepishly, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach
the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place, then,"
After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small
wharf. As the man looked to the shore, he nearly fell out of
the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite
bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up
the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could
only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the house,
she said casually,
"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please;
would you like a drink?"
No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take anymore
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still.
How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat
down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their
stories, the woman announced,
"I'm going to slip into something a little more comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor
upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom.
There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle.
Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto
it's end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he mused. "What next?"
When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines
-strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him,
"we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now,
something you've been longing for all these months.
You know..." She stared into his eyes.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"You mean--?" he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"
Facts and history of the Canadian 10 Provinces
and 3 Territories
I call This Page|
The Ever Changing page
This month Happy Mothers Day