(A)ccepts you as you are|
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you
(even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plain things you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality
"Flexible people don't get bent out of shape."
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack |
of sleep and too much pressure from my job,
but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired
because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school,
which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the
leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces,
which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who
work for State and City Governments
and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work...
You and Me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
LORD, THANK YOU
Lord, thank you for this sink of dirty dishes; |
we have plenty of food to eat.
Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry;
we have plenty of nice clothes to wear.
And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those
unmade beds; they were so warm
and comfortable last night.
I know that many have no bed.
My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom,
complete with all the splattered mirrors, soggy,
grimy towels and dirty lavatory;
they are so convenient.
Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator
that needs cleaning.
It has served us faithfully for many years.
It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers
for two or three meals.
Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely
must be cleaned today.
It has baked so many things over the years.
The whole family is grateful for that tall grass
that we all enjoy the yard.
My kids are healthy and able to run and play.
Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says
You have richly blessed my family.
I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do
Even though I clutch my blanket and growl
when the alarm rings,
Thank you, Lord, that I can hear.
There are many who are deaf.
Even though I keep my eyes closed against the
morning light as long as possible,
thank you, Lord, that I can see.
Many are blind.
Even though I huddle in my bed and put off rising,
Thank you, Lord, that I have the strength to rise.
There are many who are bedridden.
Even though the first hour of my day is hectic,
when socks are lost, toast is burned and tempers
are short, my children are so loud,
Thank you, Lord, for my family.
There are many who are lonely.
Even though our breakfast table never looks like
the pictures in magazines and the menu is at times
There are many who are hungry.
Even though the routine of my job is often monotonous,
Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to work.
There are many who have no job.
Even though I grumble and bemoan my fate from day to day
and wish my circumstances were not so modest,
Thank you, Lord, for life.
Anyone can count the number of seeds in an apple,
but only God knows the number of apples in a seed.
Breaking The Silence
Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence'|
and the Chief
Priest said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery,
you are welcome here as long as you like,
but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."
Brother John lived in the monastery for a full
year before the
Chief Priest said to him:
"Brother John, you have been here a year
now, you may speak
Brother John said, "Hard Bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that" the Chief Priest said.
"We will get you a better bed."
The next year, Brother John was called by
the Chief Priest.
"You may say another two words Brother John."
"Cold Food." said Brother John, and the Chief Priest
assured him that the food would be better
in the future.
On his third anniversary at the monastery,
the Chief Priest
again called Brother John into his office.
"Two words you may say today."
"I Quit." said Brother John.
"It is probably best." said the Chief Priest.
"All you have done since
you got here is complain."
!Praise The Lord!
A Woman, who lived in Tucson, was well-known for her |
faith and her lack of reticence in talking about it.
She would go out on the front porch and yes,
"Praise the Lord!"
Her next door neighbor would shout back,
"There ain't no God!"
During those days, The was very poor,
so the neighbor decided to prove his point by buying
a large bag of groceries and placing it at her door.
The next morning, the woman went to the porch and,
seeing the groceries, said,
"Praise the Lord!"
The neighbor stepped out from behind a tree and said,
"I brought those groceries, and there ain't no God."
The woman replied,
"Lord, you not only sent me food but you made the
devil pay for it."
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